if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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