so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
