yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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