Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
