fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
