i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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