So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
