I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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