is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
