It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
