Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
