Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
