I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
