I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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