my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
