Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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