you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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