I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want a musical about memes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
