are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
