I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
