he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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