Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
