he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
