Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
