i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
