My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
