im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The air was thick with penises
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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