What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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