I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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