just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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