I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
