david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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