I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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