Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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