I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
