If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
