im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
