White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
