My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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