I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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