i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
