Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
