yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
