I'm going to jail i love you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
