I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
