I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
