Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
