My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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