ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
