i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
