I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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