I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
