btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
