I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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