Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
