med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
