dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize